another rhapsody?

2012-02-03T00:41:00.000+08:00

There's nothing like this on a rainy night in the comfort of my own (newly painted!) room :)

You know how a person can be so much like a sip of stout- so sweet with every sip but it is the bitter aftertaste that lingers for a while as you stop.

So bitter that even its shadow can pierce through your heart at the encounter of it.

For that I would rather be alone drinking stouts in my PJ's and be happy drunk :)

FYI people do stop making sense after half a pint or so.

Sleep time

:)

2011-12-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

INKED! INKED! INKED!

Sanskrit lettering. This is just what I've ever wanted.

The process? Pleasurable pain if you'd like.

Oughta sleep on my chest for 5 days though!

Hello-goodbye

2011-12-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

I was temperamental and impulsive.

You were stone cold and egoistic.

It's a brand new equation for strangers.

Why does it even bother me?

Malignancy

2011-11-26T09:28:00.000+08:00

This is a game.

A game that started off with a puff of ciggy and a glass of wine.

A game that turns cancerous and malignant.

A game which has been set off and let die before time allows its metastasis.

This game is foolish. Foolishly addictive.

M

2011-11-23T00:09:00.000+08:00

This month's expenditure is a bomb. If I had a choice, I would tear up my bills while they are still in the envelopes, just to save myself from that eyesore. *cries*

Splurged 180bucks today on a laptop charger. It's a long story.

But in short, this Compaq Presario still refuses to die through rain, thunderstorm, constantly working for few days without shutting down, detached keyboards with tonnes of biscuit crumbs accumulated beneath them through the years, CD-ROM that ejects whenever for no reason and that refuses to play ciplak DVDs, speakers that play at a frequency audible to ants etc.

As much as I wanted it to die so that I can get a new excuse for a new laptop, I still feel a little hesitant to throw two thousand bucks at the very least on a gadget that I hardly even touch now.

Sigh. Money money money.

Around You

2011-11-22T19:54:00.001+08:00

This tune never dies.

A dash of trance, either cruising alone on an empty road or with a drink on one hand- that feeling never fails to lift me up on a dreading week.

Progressive trance is love :)

And hello, just here to dust up the page. It's been a while.

July

2011-07-24T19:21:00.008+08:00

Post-call yesterday was as bad as a hang-over but I guess getting a day off on a Monday was good enough a compensation :)

I've been pretty much cruising along the entire month, doing half days as much as I can and having good companies every single weekend- albeit over-working the liver a little, but let's just skip that part right :P Anyhow that's mainly because I am foreseeing a hectic month ahead, so that's a little bit of an advanced compensation if you'd like.

3 weeks ago- probably one of the best nights that I've had with the girls :) Except that one of them almost got robbed in front of her house when we called it a night. Even home is not as safe as you'd imagined.

Participated in a marathon for the first time last week. (Saw myself while randomly browsing through the reviews. VAIN :P) A good 7km run which I've half-heartedly trained for as I couldn't stand the boredom of staying too long on the treadmill. And oh, that was the first time I wore red in years. VAIN :D

Urbanscape 2011.

Was it good? Hmm, not really into local scenes and vintage items, so yeah. But I did signed up as a voter here, which was a bit out of the context, I know. Doesn't matter, I did that finally. And this was quite fun- walking around with balloons that is :D Just because, when was the last time you carry one around in public?

And this! Such an apt description of myself -couldn't help getting one. I probably put it in the car as a "no stoning" reminder. Which I always do. Of course not while driving. But just in case.

*Stare blankly*

Happy feet

2011-07-05T00:14:00.002+08:00

Virtual shopping with Thong after work :) Retail therapy much needed post-Monday blue.

Look what I've gotten for myself *grin*

I'm wearing you tomorrow okay! Be good to my feet, no blisters please!

HEHEHE this doesn't sound like me HEHEHE

Okay. Sleep time obviously.

2011-06-25T20:11:00.003+08:00

There were times when you looked into the mirror and told me how much you have aged. And then you said, you don't really care as aging is just a natural process, there's more to life than counting lines on one's face and putting on make-up to conceal one's age.

But of course you know, no make-up beats the infinite optimism that you've never failed to wear on your face :)

Friday

2011-06-23T21:34:00.004+08:00

So I've been listening to Usher's CD in the car over and over again for a few weeks now because some fucktard had just stolen my antenna.

It's OKAY (actually, not really) because somehow, it's hard to get bored of his tunes.

Give me everything tonight. How can I be addicted to a feng tau song?

Up at the ward at 7.30am. Medical ward is a refreshing change from ICU. At 10am, that familiar scent lingered through my nose again. It's Calvin Klein Eternity. Nod. Such a happy face, I thought.

Witnessed a patient died for the first time. DIL was issued to this haemorrhagic stroke patient as her blood pressure and pulse rate kept dropping despite the infusion of inotropes. I felt silly asking one of the Housemen what's DIL. "Death In Line", he replied.

Ward was passive, not much medication history assessments to do. Spent the rest of the day clerking cases, which as a matter of fact, is a very silly job.

Saw a patient who had her fore foot amputated because of her necrotizing diabetic ulcer. The foot was still there not too long ago.

Life is quite short, really. The line is so cliche that it's too cliche to be taken seriously, until it really hits one of us.

Such a sombre day. Thank god it was Friday (and payday too). Friday chill out as usual. Now this is getting mundane.

One exam to sit on Monday. Progress as of Friday: 20 pages. Roughly 300 pages to go.

Distracted. Crap.

2011-06-12T19:31:00.002+08:00

Most decent, booze-free weekend. Sorta. Of course, half pint doesn't count.

Randomly crashed someone's place on Friday night- everyone in the most comfy tee's and shorts, no make-up etc and just chill on iTune's playlist, shuffling the stacks of Ligretto for hours. For a moment, I thought I just went back to uni :)

Of course, the most decent weekend also means no work on Saturday and Sunday, which is quite unbelievable and of which had me woken up at 7am just to digest the fact that I can actually snug in just a little bit longer *grin* :D

Frankly, it's such a heavenly feeling that I've never felt so energized - woke up to wash my car, waxed it, did a major spring cleaning, hit the gym since I'm already rather sweaty (of course that saves the laundry and shower), exfoliated from top to toe, hanged out with mom all day which I haven't done for a long time as both of us are working and met up with some friends at night.

It actually felt really, really good at the end of the day.

Really, did I just pen those down?

It must be that I haven't felt this good for a long time.

It's June now and that's quick

2011-06-01T23:35:00.004+08:00

Had a well-deserving weekend after on-call :)

2 months in TDM has been nerve-wrecking. The thought of getting calls from doctors and nurses at odd hours and needing to stay in the lab alone past night time (what more being informed that the patient has "expired" while I was handling that very patient's blood sample) is already quite tormenting- even when it's now over and done with.

The last day of my on call was unfortunately wrapped up with a prank from a HO, also sort of a mutual friend whom I accidentally called FAT the week before. Theophyline poisoning at Paeds ICU, baby of a consultant, requesting a 2-hourly TDM for 12 hours - I'd almost fell for it up until I heard a familiar laughter at the background -.-

Nevertheless, TDM was a good (albeit hardcore) learning experience -perhaps, the best way to know about Gentamicin and Vancomycin regimen at the fingertips, which I'd only ever remember for oral exam back in Uni.

Now, up in Clinical rotation. Still hardcore but no more standing by for phone calls, hence gym regimen after a long hiatus made possible again. Begone flabs!

head-talk

2011-05-25T00:14:00.003+08:00

i'm surprised that it still hurts to think of it.

sometimes i just wished that it never happened.

because the pain inflicted was just unnecessary.

but now, com'on shir. this is THE weekend to get away :)

A little pat on my shoulder

2011-05-12T00:29:00.003+08:00

There's nothing like winning back what was once yours that was also once lost.

A sense of victory aside, it almost felt like I've taken off a tonne of burden that I have been shouldering for the past 2 years or so. I have never felt more relieved to be able to look back at the most depressing 5 months of my life, waive goodbye and finally tell myself it's all over now. What more just right before the dateline, when all could have been lost for good. Speaking of escaping from a quick sand just in time.

Even though I've long given up on trying to do the impossible- to patch the scattered pieces together, at the very least, this is the one thing I can correct from that one mistake that have led to the myriad of consequences.

Things have changed immensely because of this. Have I also changed? I don't know, I just am contented now.

And how can I not be? :')

Quick update

2011-05-04T23:39:00.007+08:00

TDM on-call just started and it's gonna be on-going for the rest of the month. Which basically means extended working hours, no holidays on weekends and chanting before sleep at night in hope that the mobile doesn't ring in the middle of a good sleep.

Weekends have been pretty fun prior to TDM. Eurohouse was almost like Ipoh's little Central Perk where the bunch of us would just spend the night away with Hoegaarden, pool, Uno Stacko and what not. By far the best hang out place in our little town.

St. Patrick Irish Bar further down town, with a more "mature"ambiance . They've got live band here but we only ever come for Kilkenny and then back to Eurohouse again when we get sick of it.

What's karaoke without booze? :P

Weekends pretty much ceased from existence from last week. BUT I must say I've had a good wrap up the Friday before. Maroon 5 in KL was fantastic (because Adam Levine is just hot as in that tight tee) and because there was a fun chic next to me to get all hyped up with :P

And back in Ipoh, I couldn't stop playing Sunday Morning in the car. What's better to go with driving home on rainy evenings after long days at work? :)

Monday Blue

2011-04-19T12:40:00.003+08:00

7.50 am: Found out that 2 staffs were on leave. Great, 25 cases today.

8.00 am: Annoyed to see Miss C. I wish she could just put down the phone gently and not bang at it. The banging sound every 5 minutes or so for the past few weeks has extremely mentally tormenting.

8.20 am: The machine chose to play a trick on us today. Reagents ran out, distilled water ran out, controls out of calibration. Took us 2 hours to fix it up. The impending sense of finishing late emerged. Miss C was unhappy.

8.30 am: Got called to help out at out-patient. Couldn't be happier to leave TDM even though it's totally crazy to need to work at other department when there was a line of work pending. But the tsunami of people in out-patient was seriously jaw-dropping.

9.00am: So many complaints from patients. I found myself telling them "Yeah, it's like that la uncle/aunty... Next patient!" Under work pressure, I cannot empathize at all despite knowing the loopholes in the system. Just, why don't you pay and get better service if you have so much to ask for? I felt sorry to think as such as in the sea of such people with never ending complaints, there are those who can't afford private healthcare at all and are grateful for what is being provided to them.

9.30 am: Almost dead coming back from out patient. Appointment book showed 40 cases already. Miss C's complaints buzzing in the ears. Filtered, I can't hear you!

11.30 am: Miss D from another department came in. She just loves dropping by during free time, especially when we are most busy. Miss D flipped through the stack of recommendations that we've made as if showing her authority around, ambushed us with complaints.

Why did you write 'toxicity is unlikely', why not 'there is no toxicity'?
What do you mean by "slightly" above therapeutic range? Why didn't you write "the level is toxic"?
Did you know there's a book that gives reference on severity of toxicity? Now, what is slightly toxic, what is severe toxicity?
How come your 4 looks like a 9?
Why ar, why all these liquid paper ar, why all these cancel cancel, why handwriting like that ar? You know as pharmacists we are (insert professionalism lectures)

I didn't have time to entertain her, even though she was directly looking and talking to me as the first recommendation that she flipped through was my piece of work. I was already quite annoyed with the flood of non-constructive comments- glancing at her quickly once or twice, uttered "em...yeaaaaa" while doing my stuff. Because I really do not see a problem with that piece of recommendation that she was looking at. I still think it was right to be specific with writing "slightly" above therapeutic range?

Having said so, I do admit that I'm still not that good at it, made mistakes at times and am still learning. But comments on handwriting? How uninspiring. My mind at that moment was alternating between the phrases "Fuck you" and "Chill, YHL".

"Understand or not, huh?"

"Uh huh...? Em" (Not looking at her)

"This one...what's your name again?"

"Shirley (Feel free to drop a complain. I do sense bad-mouthing impending. One day, I must do better and I hope I can.)"

7.00 pm: Finished work. No traffic jam :)

7.30 pm: Mom's cooking keeps me sane all the time.

9.00 pm: Colleague's birthday bash.

2.00 am: Home. Holiday the next day!

Tuesday: Time for self improvement. What to expect tomorrow?

Can't help but to miss Pharmacy 777 already.

Progress

2011-04-17T22:32:00.003+08:00

3 weeks of home work-out.

Deltoids training.

Biceps training.

Triceps ie. the bye-bye arms that never say goodbye, to me, are the most difficult muscles to tone up. Sigh. Been trying to do dumbbell kickback and I actually find it quite good as it's simple, do-able at home and the aftermath is painful (somehow gives a sense of accomplishment :P). Haven't seen much measurable results yet, let's give it a few more weeks and see if the flabs go away!

2011-04-13T23:51:00.003+08:00

It felt so good to be on the treadmill again after such a long hiatus from the gym. Partly to run off the guilty conscience of eating curry puff every tea break, partly also to maintain the stamina that I've been trying to build up since last month. Totally gone down the drain after 10 days. Sigh.

All thanks to Therapeutic Drug Monitoring department. Job scope involves being scolded by some quarters every now and then, running blood tests for drug levels, chasing after nurses for blood samples, interpreting sample results/ recommending new doses (in case of toxicity and dose inadequacy) and clerking cases in wards. Simply said, it's quite hardcore -the phone just won't stop ringing for a minute and working hour is unpredictable -mainly depends on the number of assigned cases per day plus in-coming toxic cases approaching evening time.

From memory of my hospital rotation back in Australia, blood samples-handling are managed by Pathology Department and results (inclusive of biochem, culture & sensitivity etc) are live on the hospital intra-network. Interpretations are done on the spot by clinical pharmacists in charge of the patients and recommendations made directly to the doctors during ward rounds or into the network system. The feed of information is available through out the hospital network, which means that even ward-supply pharmacists have access to them for double checking before the actual medications are being dispensed.

That saves hell a lot of time and one whole department ( as far as I remember, there wasn't any TDM department back in my rotation), minus the chances of medication error.

Nothing. Just felt that technology is under-utilized in this so-called third largest hospital in the nation. But having said so, doing things manually switches on the mind a little bit more. I do realize how I am so reliant on technology eg. for computers to detect my mistakes, that I could be rather careless in the absence of it. Looks like rewinding myself backward is not as easy as it seems.

Or perhaps I was just giving excuses. After all, I did drive into a piece of hole last Friday. Thinking that it was the most strategic parking place at that sort of peak hour, I accelerated into the spot without much thought, and *bang!* got my front left tyre stuck in the hole. Sigh. Wasn't too bad as I managed to get a few passer-by's to help lift up the car and still made it on time for lunch.

I know, such a sleepy head, ain't I? Because something has been occupying the head for a tad too long, it needs to end soon.

Sleep time. Night call at Accident & Emergency later :)

Confessions

2011-03-31T23:12:00.002+08:00

Four confessions today:

1) I was that idiot who drove like an idiot this morning. I hope nobody I know saw me.

2) I was also the same idiot who parked like an idiot this evening. I hope nobody I know saw me.

3) I was that idiot who made that idiotic mistake. Even if nobody saw me, I hope I did not screw up this time.

4) And I hope it was just eve of April Fool playing a prank on me today. Otherwise, it's really not funny.

Working in Therapeutic Drug Monitoring department tomorrow for the entire month. Better be good on the first day.

Goodnight world. It's been a long day.

Crunches!

2011-03-30T22:07:00.004+08:00

I love these 2 sets of abs work-out because
a) it's not too difficult.
b) it works.
c) it can be done at home- just need a wall, a ground and a rocking chairpad or better still, an exercise mat.

i) Abs crunch

Lie on your back, legs facing the wall.
Lift up both legs and lean them straight against the wall. You are practically making an L shape with your body.
Cross hands on your chest.
Breathe in and bring your upper torso towards the wall, concentrating on using your abs muscle to lift your upper body.
Breathe out as you return to original position.
Repeat for 2 sets of 20 times

ii) Reverse crunch

Now lie on your back with your head pointing towards the wall.
Place your palms on little of your back. This should act as a support for your back.
With shoulders and back firm on the ground, breathe in and lift legs from the ground.
As you lift your legs, bend at the knees. Your knees should aim to reach the chest as much as possible.
Breathe out as you return both legs towards the ground (but not touching the ground).
Repeat for 2 sets of 20 times.

HAHAHA. As if anyone will read and do it :P

But it's really worth a try! The first move especially, is quite simple and not as boring as the typical sit-up. Also, the satisfaction comes when there's so much pain on the abs muscles, you know it has been working pretty damn hard ;)

Make it work, yo

2011-03-20T21:46:00.004+08:00

Surprisingly, working out can be really addictive.

Glad to see the results in just less than 3 weeks time :) I've never really succeeded in getting rid of the jiggly arms on my own. Just realized that I haven't been doing it correctly (and also consistently) all along , that's why.

Of course, it wouldn't appear toned without contraction, long way to go still. The flab is still there but probably less apparent as compared to those bye-bye arms few months ago or shall I say all the while previously?

It's a common misconception amongst female that with weight training comes that bulky muscle that people spread olive oil on. (And as a consequence, I have no female company for gym!) A 2kg dumbbell only goes as far as toning and shaping the muscles. If only body building is that easy.

I'm not really sure what's addictive about it but it's by far the only exercise regimen I've been able to stick to comes rain or shine, without excuse that is. Could be the fact that I'm too bored, hence working out is my only entertainment after work. Could be the fact that because I've paid for the membership, might as well just make full use of it- being a true Asian. Speaking of which, it's such a good deal - personal trainers, free aerobic/yoga classes, unlimited entrance (but no cute hunks in sight, sigh), what more can you ask for?

Either way, it's a good thing. So long as the motivation isn't short-lived :D

Of late

2011-03-06T00:30:00.004+08:00

Finally my own ride!
And then came my first parking fine, damn it -.-
Joined the gym. Let's hope this determination has a long life span.
Dressing up for work has become a favourite daily routine.
Finding a parking is not, especially with such unbeatable skills.
Honestly, job satisfaction in this kind of environment is non-existent. Money becomes the driving force to get stuck at traffic everyday.
Fortunately, there are new companies to pass time with and to slowly pick up the social life that I've lost since leaving Australia. It's kinda funny to actually need to start fresh again in a place so familiar yet so difficult to relate to now.
But I can't wait for the day to leave this place. And I am afraid that once I've become assimilated in the system long enough, I will eventually become complacent with the way things are and merely cruise along with the wave.
I wish to take the risk whilst I'm still in my 20's, whilst I can still correct mistakes before it's too late, before I may have more obligations on the way. I'm still young at 24 but seriously, time can never be taken for granted.
I realize however, it can be quite tormenting to live in such notion - of wanting to break free everyday.
The only thing that keeps me going is the obligation that I need to fulfill for now. I cannot wait to see the yield that's gonna result. I have yet to find one other thing that is as encouraging still.
In less than 3 weeks time, I have quite a silly exam to sit for. My progress since last week is 5 pages out of 500 pages.
So there's little wonder why my mind in wandering else where, as this whole exam thing is really full of craps.
2pm, time for some crunches :D
Why does it have to be Monday tomorrow?

Rejection

2011-02-11T20:22:00.007+08:00

Just when I was texting someone about "rejection", a phone call came through to confirm that. Hmm, how shall I respond? What a dedicated officer to be working at this hour?

Guess I just need to be optimistic and go along with what I have gambled with.

Breathe.

It's gonna be okay.

Let's hope that next week brings good news :)

Of all the things....

2011-01-31T16:54:00.005+08:00

...and 11 things to look forward to in the midst of an impending restriction.

A ride.
Gym membership.
Which also spells running shoes.
Small-scaled renovation: new paint for a start.
A pet named Raphael.
Mac Book Pro when Compaq crashes down. Please crash asap.
No, I don't need an iPhone or a Blackberry given the situation. No, maybe I want to.
A new shoe rack. And more shoes. And more shoes. And more shoes.
An eye for you and you. And you too.
More internet quota.
Daily mantra: Slow down yo.

Very impulsive. A few points hold true, while the rest are mainly for compensatory sake. It's a useless list to say the least.

A very cliche note to self for a 'every cloud has a silver lining' effect.

It's a blessing in disguise! And yes, every cloud has a silver lining! :)

No it doesn't work at the moment. I am a greedy creature and I do not like to slow down.

Taking It Slow

2011-01-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

Stopped at a small town for a few days and got in sync with the slow pace- having been tired of the hustle and bustle of KL for the past 2 weeks or so.

Watched birds flying in flocks in the gloomy evening after a light drizzle. I've almost forgotten how wet it can get in Malaysia.

Dusk.

Gentle wave washing up on the beach full of seashells. Polluted water, unfortunately.

Welcome to Malaysia- smeared with filth. My encounters, as a musophobic, with rats since the day I came back have been countless and tormenting. Perhaps, irrationally tormenting.

Disastrous combination of poor waste management and people's lackadaisical attitude/ignorance towards the environment. Can't even locate a bin easily in the public for god's sake.

2010-12-19T01:08:00.001+08:00

Sit tight pups, you'll be home soon!

D-day

2010-12-17T22:45:00.003+08:00

This is it. 4 years coming to a full stop. It's a shame that none of the closest ones can be here to share this moment with me, which otherwise could have been a really meaningful wrap-up of the entire years I have spent in here. Mum doesn't know that I'm graduating today as I know she would be rather upset for not being able to make it here.

On a practical point of view, it doesn't really matter. It was good enough that the university has an informal one for leaving students; I would have otherwise missed graduation altogether. It was, as a matter of fact, a lot better than what I thought it would have been.

Well, at least they have nice wall in the Cafeteria for picture snapping! Not the ground, perhaps.

Glad to have friends around for the day and the time and efforts gathered to make it more meaningful. Thanks to those who marched around together for lecturers-hunting under the hot sun! Thanks for the thoughts put on the presents. Thanks for the early celebrations for those who could not attend and of course for what might be the last chance to talk in Perth. Surely, it has indeed been a memorable one.

And special thanks to Miss Ju!

6 days

2010-12-13T23:41:00.003+08:00

6 days to go. A lot of things surrounding me already feel very nostalgic at the moment.

I used to hate walking 1km away to catch the bus to work on Sunday morning. Yesterday, it was my last day at work. For once, I wished that the path never ends.

It's been 1.5 years. Thi said, 'Oh man, our Sundays next week onward in here are gonna be so quiet, Miss Long Island'. Oh man, so will mine Doctor-T.

I met up with Von tonight. I told her, 'You know sometimes when I look at you, I can't believe that you are already married'. Von said, 'Neither could I but it's been 2 years now. You know how I've always taken for granted that you are in Perth. But it suddenly hits me that you are leaving soon and I may not see you again. I cannot believe it'.

Neither can I.

Re-cap

2010-12-10T01:09:00.005+08:00

Bored and awake. I guess I've become such a workaholic that I struggle to make myself tired on non-working days. How pathetic.

Might as well talk about Albany. Nothing much really, was good fun exploring and chilling out with a bottle of beer at the end of the day. Photos are up on Facebook, just re-posting some of my favourites here for fun.

One of the cellars near Mount Barker. I love sephia effect.

Rented a Toyota Corolla Ascent. Pretty good drive. Funny how after the cellar, we went to this apparently very awesome Thai Restaurant. Price was ridiculous. Being Asians, we zapped off as fast as we could right after being seated, right before being served for ordering. Good timing, Asian pride.

Bluff Knoll - this is gonna be my favourite spot. The view was absolutely breath-taking. Absolutely worth driving up the hill.

I still love my very dirty Nike sneakers.

Denmark Farmhouse Cheese. The sorbet was awesome. Bunch of Malaysians/Singaporeans were at the place same time as us. Annoyed face on cashier. Oh well.

The Lakehouse near Denmark.

The Lakehouse still. Emo bench. Okay, at 23 turning 24, it's high time to stop using the word EMO. It's a...sad bench?

Ah, another favourite spot. The Natural Bridge/Gap. Spectacular rock formation.

Same place.

I know, no more meditation pose from now on. Please. Yes, okay.

Sand Patch near the Windfarm, I think.

What awaits walking down the staircase.

Err, LOL?
Anticlimax ;)

Sleep time!

Shay

2010-12-09T10:11:00.015+08:00

5 years ago, I've come to know about your existence as the LimeGreen Guy. Funny how that expression came about with your signature shirt of that particular colour. I've never really known what your name was until a few months later, where I would stalk you on behalf of a classmate in a game. Even after knowing your name, we've decided to call you Nick Lachey but unfortunately, you have not responded much.

College life was the darkest moment in the first 20 years of my life, where most things fell apart. I became a person guarded by walls, speaking only when necessary and only to selective people. Not surprisingly, I have not spoken to you at all until college approached the end, even though we've always bumped into each other around college, hostel and what not. I vividly remember our first proper conversation on the bus where I spoke to you with such hype and excitement about Need For Speed. As I got down the bus I thought, 'man LimeGreen must be thinking that I'm a crazy girl!'

But never have I imagined that we would end up being together.

I remember calling you on the phone for the first time during your birthday. That was nerve-wrecking. I've called Chia Ling to practice with me for a little while and we role-played to put forward a perfect birthday wish. How silly. On the next day, your friend knocked on my door and handed me a soft toy. I could not tell you how happy I was.

It almost seemed like forever for summer to come before we met again for the first time in MidValley, where I caught your hand and held it. Such a fat hand, I thought. I asked, 'do you like it like that?' I was giggling at the top of my head. Soon enough, I've learnt how to throw your hand away and it seemed like our favourite pastime ever since. Looking back, it all seemed rather young and innocent, didn't it?

Picking you up in Ipoh was a disaster. I was fumbling between the clutch, brake and accelerator with my bare feet clumsily, got a few honks, almost hit a van and still convinced you that I can do it. But at last we did make it home! My mom, unable to pronounce your name, calls you CK even until now. Every now and then, she would ask me how is CK doing.

End of first year's summer, we bid goodbye at Changi Airport. Took us long enough to meet in Tassie in winter and then again in summer. I wouldn't say winter that year left the best memory but I guess what made up for it was summer -picking cherries with you and surviving on HomeBrands with peanut butter that does not spread, worse still on breads that crumble apart. At that moment, it reminded me of those newly-wed couples who needed to save every penny just to build a shelter. Didn't even get to celebrate Christmas eve, just because we needed to wake up early for next morning's shift.

Came third year, it was, as cliche as it sounds, a rollercoaster ride. On one hand I was immured in a never-ending conflict back home, while on the other hand, I was battling with my own personal issues. For us, it was very much ups and downs, perhaps a lot of disappointments and disagreements. I might have the worst winter that year. But I was glad we still have each other through it all, even though not physically. That was more than suffice.

Fast forward, I am now at the end of fourth year, waiting to return to where I belong.

A lot of things have happened and have changed during the year. In retrospect, I guess I was really more of a simpler person. Now, perhaps a little more complicated, infused with self-conflicts from time to time and perhaps more or rather, very temperamental. And perhaps seasoned by forces of situations, I became more skeptical; I now see things from different point of view, react differently from how I used to. I have not realized that I have also unknowingly made a lot of things, us for instance, complicated, sometimes merely by a change in perception and what not. Quite often I expressed disagreements to you- at times in rather succinct and radical manners -expected from a person who dislikes elaboration/explanation. What a crazy bitch, you must have thought.

I have to admit that being miles apart makes things extra difficult a lot of times. But you've always have a way to turn the table. And it's funny how the ego I held and protrayed over the line completely disappeared everytime we met. What magic do you have?

I have not spoken much to people about us and I am unsure what brings me to compose this entry. If I were to read this as a third person point of view, I might have said, 'geez, that's so gay'. You might have said ' what a simple person to narrate this sort of thing'. Perhaps for once, I just want to be simple.

I have something to say that I have not said for a long time.

2010-12-08T22:44:00.001+08:00

6 x 5.2% x 375 = 19.5

"Don't be so hard on yourself,
You won't get better til you get worse."

23/24

2010-12-08T10:06:00.002+08:00

Turning 24, with a tonne of responsibilities to shoulder.

It's amazing how things can become so ridiculously, shall I say, fucked up at times. At my lowest point, I did wish to run away and have questioned myself: why me? It now comes to the time where questioning is trivial because it is no longer a matter of whether I am ready or not. Rather, it is a matter of how am I going to do it and whether I am strong enough to be my own backbone.

I would like to think that the situations in hand are optimistic. At the same time however, I am very afraid to lose, as accepting defeat in this context is very hefty.

And there are unfortunately, too many uncertainties, too many variables, too many things that I have no control over. Help is not an option, as it seems, trust is something one should keep to him/herself. And as it seems, betrayal has no exclusive exemption for even the closest persons.

Not at my wits' end. Rather it is more of frustration over how events unfold, over superficiality and immaturity that surround incessantly.

I'm now 23, sitting in my room, wishing things were a lot more simpler.

Windfarm, Albany

2010-12-03T23:51:00.006+08:00

I'm not sure how else can I describe this place other than, well -S'wonderful! (Diana Krall's :D)

Definitely worth hitting the road 5 hours down south from Perth, especially given the fact that the 2 persons on the driver's seat were newbies at long-distance driving. Absolutely glad that my 2 seconds drift didn't kill anyone!

Wouldn't say that it was the best day to go around as it was cloudy and drizzling a fair bit. Plus, my camera is only fairly decent in low light conditions. Nevertheless, it was all good.

And there goes our first stop and my personal favourite one in Albany! :)

2010-11-27T13:33:00.002+08:00

Time is ticking away.

But I'm not ready yet.

Please slow down.

The Last Shadow Puppets

2010-11-20T10:50:00.003+08:00

Discovered this band last year, only to find out now that it's actually made up of Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys and Miles Kane from The Rascals! No wonder I thought that they sounded familiar initially. But to be fair, most UK indie rock bands have similar style or so called post-punk revival flavour in their music anyway .

Nevertheless, one of my favourite discoveries! Standing Next To Me and Meeting Place are two tracks I've found most catchy so far- absolutely different from the regular mainstream genre.

Side-tracking. Just had a shot of V. I should be sensing my impending doom now having worked my ass off this week again.

Focus!

2010-11-10T16:32:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure how to describe this feeling,

of listening to the drizzling rain,
of putting on Lullaby as an accompaniment,
then slipping into my comfy fleece trousers,

putting on my white big-T,
and keeping my feet warm in that fluffy pair of slippers,
just to get ready to sip on the Cappuccino I made
with extra chocolate powder sprinkled on top of my red mug.

Maybe that's what you call simplicity,

of which is non-existent once you 'wake up'.

:D

2010-11-08T22:55:00.002+08:00

Love the "Buddha Jump"!

At the moment, extremely bored.

Tonnes to study.

Patience.

The end of it

2010-11-06T18:28:00.002+08:00

Not yet but almost there!

Cleaning up my closet

2010-11-02T02:36:00.002+08:00

Couldn't stop laughing seeing myself trying out those good old boot-cut/bell-bottom jeans and cargo with multiple pockets. How retro! But it was only 4-5 years ago when they were almost like the coolest thing to wear. Probably gonna be another 1-2 decades to go before we see those bell-bottoms making a come-back?

Was just going through my wardrobe for clothing to be given away. I know there's still a month or so to go but it's pretty scary having to shift practically the entire room on a 5 hours flight. Rummaging through the room, there were stuff that I didn't even realize I had before. Man, I'm probably too old to fit into some of those clothing now.

Denim pinafore! Wouldn't even recall the reason for this purchase. Probably wore it once for a back-to-school party few years ago.

That to go into Good Sammy's box. I do wish I have the time to post things up for auction on eBay but I'm probably too lazy for that anyway.

Wide awake at such ungodly hour, one early class for a rather nonsensical unit to attend. Fine, it's the final week of uni. Just stating the obvious, like everyone else.

So long, Southland

2010-10-23T07:11:00.003+08:00

It felt very disheartening to leave the store yesterday. What the preceptor said to me the moment I stepped out of the door was the most encouraging sentence I've heard in all of my placements.

:)

2010-10-21T21:34:00.002+08:00

Another birthday dinner at Bonsai on Saturday. Best sashimi ever served!

So glad that the past 5 days didn't kill me with all these datelines chasing after me, or rather me chasing after datelines. Except that I got freaked out by this black mannequin in the pharmacy store room just when I stepped in the first thing on a Sunday morning (and shamefully yelled FUCK! on the candid camera). Oh snap. Of all the things staff do to pass time in the shop. There goes the penalty in the swear jar.

Flight date has just been confirmed! No, it's not exciting. At all at all at all at all at all..! :(

Uni, you suck!

2010-10-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

2010-10-08T21:12:00.002+08:00

Remember how we drove up to Mill Point just to chase the moon in my lil' Civic?

I recall many things that I've wanted to do at this time last year. A few issues nagged around but strictly speaking there weren't real issues. Probably because there were still "dormant" at that point.

As of now, once reality sinks in, ambitions become impractical; chasing dreams becomes merely a dream itself.

Exhaustion

2010-10-04T21:37:00.001+08:00

Mentally.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Let's get this over and done with. Quick.

2010-10-02T07:49:00.003+08:00

Nothing much have been happening of late. I would say it's fairly one of the most unexciting phase of the year when the sole thing to look forward to at the end of the day is SLEEP, which has never been sufficient anyway. Gahhh.

That aside, I suppose no news is good news in a way.

Had quite a cozy birthday fine dining with just the few of us in Melbourne Hotel last 2 weeks, which was just nice cuz I personally dislike birthday bashes. To say the least, the meaning of so called annual celebration sort of diminishes with time. Signs of aging.

Other than that, staff party at Hippo Creek was unbelievably good! Crocodile meat was yum and the African-styled Angus rump with monkey gland sauce was one of the best things to go for. Most of us have gone wasted by the end of the night on the free flow of cocktails, which turned out to be quite funny seeing how the bosses behave outside work. Long Island Tea almost gotten into me to be fair :P

That was all, feels weird to have an update as such for some reasons. At the moment, playlist repeating Priscilla Ahn, The Magic Number and The Perisher. Good stuff :D

TGIF

2010-09-11T00:18:00.002+08:00

Kahlua and Frangelico! Quite a satisfying discovery :D

Still, nothing beats Butterscotch Schnapps and Bailey's.

Pancho's Mexican Villa in Vic Park is definitely one of the places to go for some nice mixes of cocktails. Portion: absolutely humongous. The tequila menu was pretty tempting as well but I've decided not to even hit the tipsy point for the time being; probably til say...staff party next week? :P

Pretty much an exhausting and hectic week to begin with after a month of honey-mooning. It's not exactly my comfort zone but I reckon being safe is boring anyway. I'm loving the pace and pressure for some reasons- keeps me distracted I suppose. Let's see how it goes.

Saturday

2010-09-05T00:15:00.005+08:00

Not really into chic flicks but surprisingly, Going The Distance was quite a good one. Drew Barrymore is cute to top it all :)

Kinda like the featured band The Boxer Rebellion, sounds pretty much like The Killers with a bit of Franz Ferdinand in them?

Speaking of music, my iPod is failing me. Again. Not sure what's with me and gadgets - most have been/are bound to be suicidal cases. I believe I'm not that rough, ain't I?

Bummer, who's gonna run with me, walk with me, go to work with me, fly with me now?

Tragic

2010-08-28T17:27:00.002+08:00

Watch THIS.

Unfortunately, this is where I came from.

2010-08-24T21:27:00.002+08:00

Nice weather.

Seen oral thrush for the first time last week, man that image still lingers around my head. This guy has been using his inhaled corticosteroid for a month or so and was NEVER aware of the mouth-rinsing routine, came in to the pharmacy for Listerine to "kill the pain in his mouth". You can only imagine how bad was the thrush - shall I say cauliflowers on the tongue?

At that point, I'd almost regretted asking him to describe the pain and show me what it's like. Good experience anyhow :)

The Perishers

2010-08-21T20:04:00.002+08:00

Swedish indie rock band.

Love the album to the bits.

Time-filler

2010-08-19T15:24:00.002+08:00

From "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

"Things that you can say to your dog but not your girlfriend : COME!"
"Things you can say about your computer but not to your girlfriend : Let go of my floppy!"
"Things you can say about your car but not your girlfriend : She can fit 4 in there."

Gosh, this show is so freaking lame. But I'm bored!

2010-08-19T12:46:00.002+08:00

Time for a quick bath, buddy!

So used to being busy, it feels sort of strange to have so much spare time in hand at the moment. Not that I'm complaining; just that it's really tempting to go to work but to think of how much they tax with the more I earn, it just isn't worth exhausting myself for nothing. Sigh, how counter-productive is that. Probably explains the laid-back attitude with most people at workplaces in here - professionals and non-professionals alike. Or perhaps, it's just people.

I guess it's good in the sense people get to balance off life outside work. At this stage, I still cannot imagine myself working back home. I do not wish to get into the cycle of working, paying bills and yet having no job satisfaction. Negative impressions on the health system aside, the more what's on the local news reveal, the less inviting it seems to return.

It's inevitable; obligation is not a choice.

Young Folks

2010-08-17T23:21:00.003+08:00

Not sure how many people have heard of this indie band from Stockholm but I have been hooked to one of their songs Young Folk for years ever since it was being featured in one of the Grey's Anatomy episodes. Really, it sticks to your mind - well, for me at least. Sounds a lil' wishy-washy but it does seem to give me a bit of zest on days that I have to force myself to do things I dislike doing. Like umm, talking to some shit faces.

Anyway, I was extremely, extremely excited to stumble upon one of the Boost stores playing the song the other day, mainly cuz I haven't heard of people playing that or speaking about the band previously. So, yeah :D

Wanted to jump and say, gosh can you believe they are playing MY song, you know the song on Grey's?! My point is, at times it's rather dampening to not have people around who share similar perspectives and interests. But having said that, at other times, there really aren't much underneath all the talks and laughters - things could be rather superficial. The more you think about it, the more you find out how many relationships are purely mutualistic - occasionally well-disguised. Which is fine, but well...I should stop using the word superficial and find a thesaurus.

Glad to have found a few people along the way who aren't just here on "mutualistic basis"- as rare as the song can be.

Obsession

2010-08-14T16:11:00.002+08:00

Shall not step into Novo again.

Switching hat

2010-08-09T07:59:00.003+08:00

Haven't been partying for ages! Metro was hell fun but just way too many China dolls/dudes that night.

No drinks! Working the next day :( Feet were practically screaming in pain the whole shift.

Pretty much half the holidays was spent in the pharmacy but was all good. Back to uni today, one more rotation to go.

Short Break

2010-07-29T22:03:00.006+08:00

10 days break and am slightly more free.

Chopped the hair for good - it's been 6 months, can't get any thicker.
Inception was one jaw-dropping movie. Seriously, I haven't been so impressed with a film for a long time. What's the big deal with Twilight? Pardon me, I can never comprehend the obsession.
Johnie Walker - The man who walked around the world. That was probably the only liquor advertisement the makes the most sense to me. As good as the whiskey can be.
Bett's! Pointy heels! Frou frou! And then comes the trouble of deporting my shoes back home!
Tragus too small for piercing apparently. Plan dismissed.
Soju -sensational *grin*
Found Chai Tau Kueh in Thornlie!
Re-learning the chords. I admit the difficulty of picking up new skills as one get older.
Tax return, please come home to me. Quick!

10 days' definitely a tad too short. Stingy School of Pharmacy.

2010-07-27T11:02:00.002+08:00

Let's take a lover's vow and then seal it with a kiss.

I really like Diana Krall.

The thing I like about jazz is the feeling of spontaneity and sensuality it gives. Still a big fan of indie of course. But really, it's a refreshing change.

Can't wait to pop by the jazz lounge in Leederville!

For now, an oral exam to deal with. Pain in the arse.

Choices

2010-07-24T09:20:00.002+08:00

On one hand, a patient is started on an anti-depressant because of the suicidal thoughts induced by his debilitating Crohn's disease. The clinical pharmacist told me how he broke down in front of the medical team confessing that he's merely a truck driver and he would have taken his life off if it's not because of needing to support his wife and children. I haven't witnessed the incident myself but I did go up to the ward to see him, at that time he was with his kids. Looks like a tough guy. I'm sure it takes a lot for him to break down in front of so many people. Understandably, to have coped with the disease for so many years and having the thoughts of committing suicide kept as a secret from his family would have been rather devastating in accumulation. Obviously people in the oncology ward would rather be in his place than counting down days, even if it means having over 20-30 bloody bowel motions a day. But obviously you cannot put diseases into comparison in such a way. It's not a choice.

On the other hand, some people are on anti-depressants pretty much because they are fucked-up. If lashing on an Asian, even worse, an Asian student makes them feel better, I feel pity for them. If they think Asians do not speak up, they should probably change their mind. I would have kept quiet if they have some end-stage diseases. Fuck-in-the-heads with typical over-elaborated hoodies do not deserve my respect. Really, they do have a choice in life. They just screwed it up.

The incident wasn't much of a good wrap up for the last day in hospital. But as one pharmacist said, that's how things work in the real world and if I've done nothing wrong, I have nothing to worry about; it's just a pity that people's minds can be a complete mess. I'm glad I chose not to keep quiet.

Discounting that, I would say the last day in the hospital couldn't be better :)

Small Talk

2010-07-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

Woke up to find myself in Curtin, few stations away from home. Nice, sleep more in the bus next time -_-!

Geez, 7 weeks of hospital rotation's coming to an end swiftly, just when I'm at ease with things and people. I've been a very disobedient student, sneaking out for ward rounds with clinical pharmacists when I was supposed to be in the dispensary/store. Rules aren't absolute :P. There's only so much to learn in dispensary anyway.

Apart from the routine Sunday shift, the 7 weeks was almost like the only job so far that I have not find myself being dragged to work, even if it means taking off at 7 in the morning. No pay but rewarding in every way. Of the many things, lots of nice faces to gaze around *wink*

Speaking of which, 500 hours have officially been clocked up at last! No plan of quitting just yet. Who cares when there's free flow of Nespresso (and printing!) every week?

9 most annoying overly used expressions

2010-07-17T08:26:00.001+08:00

FML
FTW
Epic failed
Haihz/ Damn sienz/ Lolz/ Feeling zzz
Happy Life/ My New Life/ Happy Moment/ Lovely Day
I Heart (insert object/ subject)
(insert subject)... (insert subject).... (insert subject)...
(insert subject) ~~~~
(insert question) ?????

Is it really fancy?

A description doesn't need to be "accessorized" as such. Redundancy is purely an annoyance.

Cow-pat

2010-07-09T06:17:00.003+08:00

I have no interest in listening to cow-pat, especially when it comes in a bout of diarrhoea.

I'm talking about consistent diarrhoea here.

For all I know, silence is the best treatment.

Expressionless face compliments that.

You said that I'm mean.

Well, then be it so and find another channel please.

Human

2010-07-02T21:32:00.002+08:00

Wave goodbye.

Wish me well.

You gotta let me go.

-The Killers

2010-06-28T18:33:00.002+08:00

69 year old man in cardiology ward on

IV gentamycin
IV benzylpenicillin
IV vancomycin
due for thoracic surgery

Just couldn't cough up the word endocarditis.

URGH.

2010-06-27T21:46:00.003+08:00

Did I just turn and stare in icy silence?

Honestly, now I don't really care.

Clinical rotation for 2 weeks, I cannot wait to follow Mr. Ghassan for ward rounds :D

2010-06-26T08:28:00.004+08:00

Eutetic Mixture of Local Anesthetic.

Liquidating or rather, melting of solid lignocaine and prilocaine on mixing together - to obtain high concentration of anesthetic without using non-aqueous solvent for dissolution.

Geez, I've always thought that EMLA was a brand name.

I've never liked Pharmaceutics at any point of my life, but putting it in practice seems to give a more interesting perspective of it. I guess it's just the way it is being thought in uni - it's all about gulping in facts isn't it?

Was actually thinking of a small tattoo on the neck around the cervical vertebrae area, perhaps about an inch and a half or so? So much of putting Pharmaceutics into practice huh? Didn't have the time to do it last year and now what I need is a mate to do it with me, preferably.

Don't frown. Tattoo is not taboo -depending on why and how it is done. For me, a personal collection rather than something for show.

Home

2010-06-21T23:01:00.003+08:00

6 days/52 hours of work per week. Extremely, incredibly exhausting.

Ironically, I like the pace at the moment. Keeps me on the go, stops me from looking backwards.

I have been in a state of denial for a great length of time - with regards to the fact of needing to pack up for good. There is so much to accomplish in such a short time. And as every second ticks away, the realization that it's no longer possible is becoming more surreal than ever.

I suppose in the pursuit of material, I forgot how my presence could make a difference - so much more than what money could give you.

At the back of my mind, I can't wait to assume this new responsibility, to take over and give both of you the best that you deserve. It is going to be difficult, but it is certainly easier than the way it used to be, than the way you need to endure.

I guess I'm ready to go home.

烟花易冷

2010-06-05T01:20:00.002+08:00

I like.

Friday

2010-06-04T15:49:00.003+08:00

Start anew.

Fumble.

Oh, so glad it's over!

Cycle continues.
.
.
.
Really, need to make a difference this time around.

Try try try!

Dreams be dreams

2010-06-03T02:26:00.003+08:00

My iPod failed me. Such a long lone flight.

As I was waiting, I filled up my time watching people, figuring out the stories behind them.

I came across a Caucasian couple with a cute blonde boy and an Asian little girl. How odd was that. Neighbour's daughter? Blonde boy's little girlfriend? Oh, that must be cute.

The girl cried when the lady left for her flight. Most probably adopted? Why? How about the boy?

I can't help but to observe the family as the lady was set to leave. The frown that grew on their faces, the reluctance to let go, the thousands of smooches planted on by the husband as if to make up for the amount of smooches for one whole year. As she left, the husband wept a little while comforting the kids. Where was she leaving to? How long?

Man, I was obviously too free. Too broke to buy Times, too impatient to read a book. But back to the point, farewell should be made short and simple- minimizes the nagging feelings.

Touching down on Perth, I can't explain what made it feel different to come back this time around and why was it so.

Probably because for the first time it feels complete and lighter -to have taken home what was left behind.

Quickie

2010-05-17T21:42:00.002+08:00

Regardless of whether you are reading this, thank you :)

On a side note, winter breeze is getting more so uncomfortable at this time, probably the final chance I could ever complain about the chill.

Two more exams to go!

等

:)

2010-05-13T06:41:00.002+08:00

Don't really fancy flowers.

But can't deny it feels good to receive one.

-End of 1st rotation placement

Knotted strings

2010-05-04T21:26:00.002+08:00

I guess I have somehow lost the know-how to write a non-ambiguous post - the sort of day-to-day detailed updates that I used to have every once in a while seem to be minute if not non-existent by now.

Sentences are all tangled like a bunch of knotted strings, I know.

If I used to be an opened-book with numerous missing pages, I guess the book has just decided to flip over and put itself in a chest, coming out to dust itself once in a blue moon.

I suppose my priorities have changed as time goes by and to become more selective when it comes to certain things in life is just part of sorting out what's more important and what's not.

Yeah, like drinking over studying? Absolutely synergistic :D

No not that of course. Man, I wish I have the time -to pay attention to little things and all that. Even if I do, I think I would have lost the interest by then. Big things come first.

Crap, is that what age does to you?

2010-04-30T20:09:00.003+08:00

I was surprised that you were there.

Very, very pleasantly surprised.

Coming back to reality, judgment awaits as there are things that cannot be undone.

And to wait is a pain.

Self note

2010-04-23T21:04:00.003+08:00

I brought the bottle into the room.

The temptation to reach for a glass is overly empowering.

But I shall not.

Not this time, even if it means sleeping with the lights on again.

2010-04-22T22:17:00.002+08:00

I say, it's the lull before the storm. Such an apt description for what I could not bring myself to believe in.

I could finally understand why one could not sleep with lights off. It is as if, when darkness prevails, you live in an abyss with nothing to hold on to.

I have no idea how long is this going to be. I have no idea what on earth have I landed into, why on earth it happens to me.

How long do I need to step out with this mask camouflaging the etched face beneath?

I wish to escape. I wish to disappear with the wind. I wish to not deal with things and just let them drain with time.

The fact that shits never leave me alone is something I could not comprehend. Or does this run in the family? Or am I made to deserve it?

Isn't life unfair?

I don't know. I have just lost my rationality.

2010-04-02T01:00:00.002+08:00

Tonight: Chord C, G and D7.

Guess what? That's all it takes to play Leaving On A Jetplane!

Need to work on the speed when it comes to changing chords though. And callous :(

*Motivated*!

Hangat hangat tahi ayam.

La di da

2010-03-19T19:43:00.002+08:00

Was it all karma? Never mind.

That aside, it's now high time to

.
.
.

get drunk!

Homeopathic effect :D

Trouble sleeping

2010-03-18T17:53:00.002+08:00

When I first started working, I thought I'd almost killed someone by giving him pseudoephedrine only to realize after he left that he is on telmisartan, an anti-hypertensive medication. I could not forgive myself over the confusion between an antihypertensive Sartan and cholesterol-lowering Statin. What if his blood pressure shot up to the rooftop and ended up with a stroke attack? What if he died and I got myself a lawsuit?

That was 6 months ago.

Today's lesson was different:
Prescribers' handwriting/scribble MUST be deciphered and triple-checked.

1mL of Redipred solution contains 5mg of Prednisolone for acute asthma.
"Take 20 mG day" or "Take 20mL a day"? A difference in ONE letter and that's freaking 5 times the difference in dosage!

No question as to where this self-hatred comes from.

Needy

2010-03-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

At one point, I do not understand why people can be so needy when they don't even need to. Is that what you call indulgence in self-sympathy or is that what you call too lazy to be independent? Or is that what you call weak?

It's a matter of choice to put oneself into a helpless state. Could it also be a strategy of some sort? Girls.

Or is it me who has no empathy but too much skepticism?

Perhaps, to choose not to need has never been a choice at all.

Or maybe I'm just envious of people who have others to rely on.

Tiring indeed.

Whiny

2010-03-01T12:05:00.001+08:00

If you obviously cannot change something, why don't you just live with it and stop complaining?

Such a cry baby.

Why am I even spamming my page with this? Gah.

Sunday

2010-02-28T23:17:00.003+08:00

It's probably one of the very few times that I find members of this specific community genuinely nice, unmotivated by any sort of personal agenda/interest in their speech and actions - of which is really an enlightenment for me, whom I have to admit, can be pretty stereotypical in some circumstances.

For many reasons, I have to say that I'm pretty lucky to have met this person. Had it been another person, it might have broken me. Who knows.

Today: 11 hours of exhaustion. Why is it more tiring to try to keep oneself busy than to be running up and down and on the go? Paradoxical.

Goodnight cruel world.

Pocky Pocky

2010-02-27T16:41:00.003+08:00

Uh huh.

Pocky and bitter chocolate even remotely related to men?

Nevertheless, yum yum! :D

2010-02-23T01:23:00.002+08:00

Being expressive is one thing, being an open book is another thing.

I have not a single clue why such excessively trivial and minor detailing habit could be so ingrained in people, so much so that their lives are so naked, it's becoming more annoying than arousing.

Seriously.

How necessary is it to make announcement to the whole world about your finely detailed personal life, uncut uncensored unedited, boiling down to the time - in milisecond unit that you spent err, perhaps swallowing the fishball of yours in that fishball noodle with extra noodle that you ordered with the very nice aunty at xyz, jalan abc, taman 123 yesterday night after taking a shower with Shakubutsu shower cream in the toilet that you remembered seeing two lizards mating on the wall?

I cannot comprehend.

Having said so however, it's entertaining to get annoyed at times.

Macau in Monochrome

2010-02-05T15:46:00.003+08:00

Black & White equals sophistication?

Fisherman's Wharf.

Cathedral of St Paul. Revolution.

Senado Square.

Roman Amphitheatre.

Pathway to the light.

Emo now! More colour soon!

Hong Kong in Monochrome

2010-02-05T15:34:00.003+08:00

Tsim Tsa Tsui.

Mongkok.

Disneyland.

Sleeping Beauty's Castle.

Because I'm emo.

Ramble

2010-02-01T13:56:00.003+08:00

To err is human.

Is that solid enough a reason for the proprietor to not have any guilty conscience?

Could it be that the sin commited is an act of revenge and thus the absence of the conscience? Basically it is rightful to act as such when it was once being acted upon the proprietor, as the equation soon nullifies each other?

To act nonchalant requires skill. Salute.

Swinging

2010-01-29T16:36:00.005+08:00

From the city-of-walk-faster-or-get-the-freak-out-of-my-way

where people pay to fight for dimsum

to the city-of-gamblers where people drive like MAD

and finally back to the city-of-walk-so-fast-for-what-la-got-gold-meh,

I would say that it does feel good to be home.

Considered done

2009-12-24T22:11:00.003+08:00

Seems like many to-do's are not happening. One because of circumstances. Two because of attitude problem. Three because if it's not (that) important, it can wait :D

Four, shall not get (too) drunk this Christmas.

Happy new year y'all.

Pay Day

2009-12-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

Good o' cheap shoes as self-reward.

Can't afford Nine West. Next time! :P

Freedom-overloaded at the moment, obviously not financial freedom. Sounds more like a form of incarceration in disguise. Surely, things do not always go as planned but fair enough, ideality is many a time, hypothetical since variables are practically infinite. In retrospect, 2009 has been all about that, coming up with Plan B most of the time. Of course, it's not always ideal, but if it doesn't kill you, it shouldn't be that bad after all.

Quiet summer impending. Frankly speaking, no fun owning the whole house. After all, the excitement of walking around nude does wear off. Metaphorically speaking, of course. But yeah, it always feels better to have someone around no matter how annoying are the housemates. On second thought, I might regret saying that :P

Grapes are riping soon. Time to pluck :D !

The Mundane

2009-12-16T00:44:00.005+08:00

Things get a little less exciting, so to speak, having worked my ass off for the past weeks. There's only so much of variation that I was able to see now that I work on a daily basis as compared to only weekends.

Fit-pack Fridays. Most come in with tremor, some can barely coordinate themselves when they come in, spilling food all over the place. Newbies will be quite concerned as to what sort they should use, some trying to lie their way for pseudo. Congested nose, my foot. Selling the pack feels like encouraging the habit, not selling is not of any help to curb diseases.

Morning-after pill Sundays. Too much fun on Saturday night. Filled in form - woops, sorry you're under 18!

Cough syrup spree. Hello...you just came in yesterday, as if I don't remember you?

Free services. Changing wound dressing - fun in a sense that I get some practices. It's just annoying how some people would just come in to get a few dressing and then turn up every other day to get the dressing changed FOC so that they can save the money of going to the nurse. Also, just because we sell batteries, doesn't really mean that we change that for you, it's not a watch shop, my dear.

Hey, the dental clinic is not open today. Can you tell me what is this? *Open mouth big big and attack you with the smell/ picturesque image*

Free services include consultation over the phone too. Lucky me will get an average of one call from sex maniac per day. Examples include:

- Hey, can you give me some tips of how to get my ***** erected?
- Hey, I have an embarrassing question, please do not tell anyone. Should I give my girlfriend a*** s** , will it make her pregnant? She keeps on asking me to do that.
- Hey, does your shop sell KY Jelly? Does it come in sachets? I only need a few for tonight, I don't wanna spend money on the whole bottle.

And that becomes more like annoying rather than disgusting.

Patients dropping by just to chat. Too chatty, cannot stand. You're nice but I'm not interested in your entire life especially the fact that you see things I cannot see.

Small talks. Obviously an accessory for conversations that carry no meaning. Surely, it's a tool in different situations but overly-used, it just goes to accentuate the artificiality/ superficiality.

On a brighter side, a lot to learn and a long way to learn. The satisfaction comes with having customers really are appreciative of you for giving a piece of advice. It just dawned on me, do I really wanna do this for say 5-10 years?

Of late

2009-12-09T18:59:00.000+08:00

Two words: Fucked up.

Can't be more apt.

Follow-up

2009-12-05T01:57:00.003+08:00

Hm, that was a little whiny :P
Hormones? *shrug*

Having said that, had been in the comfort zone for a while. Ain't painless to jump out of it but definitely timely to pick up the pieces and get real. And be less obscure? :P

p/s: A Fine Frenzy has pretty good indies!

Solitary

2009-12-03T14:29:00.002+08:00

Echo in the room.

What's left now is merely the smell that lingers; the voice and images that flash back ever so often in the empty spaces - on one hand as a cruel reminder and on the other, as part of a memory to reminisce about.

The days spent together couldn't be shorter this time; as always the withdrawal is distasteful and grim once the reality snaps in. Just that it gets trickier on this part of the planet that I couldn't detest more and at this time of the year when most people leave. Could be the fact that I've become rather dependent on a person in the week?

Solitude? Not that I am afraid of it, not that I ever was. But to think of doing that for 2 months (in such lovely weather -_-), well that would be interesting.

It's a choice made anyway. Probably time to test?

Update

2009-11-30T22:14:00.003+08:00

Hello hello, still kicking :D

Ok, lazy, next time, ciao!

Sicko

2009-11-13T18:44:00.001+08:00

(Edit) Read : Oh man...

The truth

2009-11-07T20:44:00.002+08:00

The trauma of calling back home.

To know or not to know?

At this time, I would rather not know.

Whoever says that ignorance is an easy thing to do?

You just need to numb yourself.

The Essentials

2009-11-04T16:30:00.002+08:00

Last night, a pack of Wrigley's Extra. Today, extra lao sai.

Chili

2009-10-31T07:52:00.002+08:00

A paroxysm of events and it feels like a recurrent gastric acid reflux induced indigestion.

Part of it left me wondering whether I've eaten the right thing, but I suppose I did and should be rather happy, although I still feel a little obscure about it but I think I should stop thinking about what I've ingested?

Another part of it wasn't so much of a choice but was partly my fault for not choosing my food carefully, hence the stomach upset. And hence the indigestion when too much of a different food are gulped in at one go.

I needed some antacid but was instead offered a glass of blended chili. Wow, is that homeopathic or rubbing in?

Why, thanks. I enjoy the burning sensation a lot.

Stigma

2009-10-17T00:16:00.002+08:00

I judge. It's just difficult to have no prejudice with the presence of certain stigmas around.

I did find it rather uncomfortable the very first time dealing with patients on methadone (drug rehab therapy) in my pharmacy; even though I was pretty elated of being allowed by the pharmacist to handle the drug of addiction dispensing and serving on my first day of work. I thought I might need to be extra careful with my choice of words etc. Just that it was difficult to put the stigma behind and view them as patients and not drug addicts; seeing them coming in with profuse sweating and tremors. But at the end of the day, it's actually fulfilling having been able to build good rapport with them and knowing that they are all rather friendly in general.

I bumped into a methadone patient on the bus the other day, with the wife and kids. At that point, I didn't actually see him as the patient in my pharmacy. Rather he was a father to the little kids and a husband, probably the main source of income for the family who didn't really appear to be that well-off. I could sort of see that life must be tough for him but then again, it's not like everyone has a choice all the time. Or maybe it was a wrong, irreversible choice. What really strike out at that point was the capacity of the wife to accept him as what he is and his willingness to resume his role as a father and husband.

But of course there's only so much that you can tell from the face value and superficial observation. It's just that, perhaps I haven't seen enough of the walks of life. Which means, I still have a long way to go :)

25

2009-10-12T12:54:00.003+08:00

Pamper kit

25 items

for a 25th :D